When Your Words Actually Mean Something

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

Humans can talk a lot.
The average person apparently says 16,000 words a day. A DAY.
I can only imagine how many more that would be if it counted our texts and DMs and random memes sent back and forth.

We also have a bunch of sayings and phrases about words.


Put your money where your mouth is.
Talking out ya ass
Talking big game
Running your mouth
Beating around the bush
Talk the talk, walk the walk
Speaking my language
Spill the tea

I mean it makes sense. We are social creatures, it's how we came up to the top of the food chain and became apex predators for life. Of course we have a bunch of expressions about how we express things.

And, with a little simple economics, we know: when there's a lot of something, it tends to lose its value.

Talk is cheap.

So here we are, at the beginning of 2019, with everyone already sick of the "new year, new me" posts and promises. Why? Well, talk is cheap. It's easy to say you're a "new" person without actually doing anything about it; and it's also frustrating to all of us who have tried being that "new me" and fallen flat on our faces and thought.. well, there's always next year. And then good old projection comes in and irritates us whenever we see someone even *seeming* like they have their proverbial shit together or making some kind of positive change in their lives.

Today's question then: 

How do we increase the value of something so cheap?

One of my favorite books is The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. It's a super easy read and very straightforward in its method to improve your life. 

The first agreement is: 

Be Impeccable with Your Word

It's the most difficult of the four, in my opinion, which I think is the nature of being the first thing on the list of things to take on the mega-task of "improve your life". In other words, it means:

Do What You Say, & Say What You Do

If you're like me, you spend a lot of time relating to other people. Your focus is on keeping the peace or letting your coworkers/friends/hinge dates know that you are available to them, offering the most help, and doing everything humanly possible to make that happen. Or maybe you like to keep your options open, or you're "optimistic" about your ability to do things that you say you're going to do. 

As a result, you say a lot of things like, "Okay I'll be there," and then flake - or "Yes, it'll be done by Friday," and find yourself scrambling before the deadline or asking for extensions - or even to yourself, you'll say, "I'm going to the gym today" and end up in a 5-hour long marathon on Netflix instead.

Another thing that happens is you say things like, "Oh I'm stupid," or "I suck" - something I hear my friends say casually too often. Talk is cheap right? And yet, the more we hear and say these things, the more rooted they become. 

Being impeccable is a key starting point for self-improvement for one reason: 

It integrates who you are with who you want to be. 

"Okay, Chay," you say, "you got me. I am on the struggle bus. How do I get off??"

Disclaimer: I still get on (and off) the struggle bus regularly. Part of living this life is really accepting the struggle bus as part of your process. Struggle means discomfort which means inevitable growth. Our part is to choose in which direction we grow.

1. Start Small.

The good news about positive actions? With small actions, they gain momentum. When you accelerate a car, you start at 0, get up to 30 before you get to 60mph. 

Having issues with keeping your word? Start by saying things you're pretty easily going to do and likely within a short timespan. "I'm gonna take the dog out," and then go do it. "I'll work on this for 15 minutes," then start a timer. The more you do these things, the more you'll be able to increase your endurance, and the more often you'll actually do what you say.

2. Check Yourself.

There's always something that keeps you in check. Maybe it's the motivation to keep your day job, or have enough cash to take that trip with your friends, or that person who somehow makes you feel compelled to complete things. Whatever your "check" is, use it to keep yourself true to your word.

when I start wandering back towards my old habits

For me, it's knowing someone else is expecting something from me. I find it nearly impossible to bring myself to a task if no one else knows about it. But when I've told someone else and I know they will be asking about it or expecting a result (aka a blog post)... and even when it's kind of more about my perception than their actual expectations, it really helps me stay motivated.

3. Talk Less.

I'm sure many of my smart-ass friends have made the joke that if I want to be impeccable with my promises, I should just stop promising things. But there is some truth to that!

Often I find myself saying that "I'll do it" or "I can help" before I realize the logistics of that promise. I've had to catch myself many times and say "let me see what I can do" before I promise to add to my already precarious case load. 

If you don't have this problem, what Do you find yourself saying that you aren't fully following through or able to give?

4. Be Honest, Even When It's Hard.

When I say honest, I mean things like: 

• Admitting to yourself that you have faults, and also maintaining that your value as a person has nothing to do with your mistakes.
• Allowing yourself to say "no", turning down requests to hang out or take on extra tasks in favor of your goals, your values, your already-planned self-care time.
• Letting people know what you think. Some people have no problem  with this, some people get choked up because of the social implications of being critical or disagreeable. Being honest doesn't mean being rude; assertiveness will be challenging at first, but like I said... start small. 

That's all for today kiddos!

Oh, and my "New Year, New Impeccability" goal for my blog?

Quality over quantity. 

AKA Finding true value in reaching a few readers who find a lot of value in what I write, rather than getting hundreds of clicks but no comments or questions or texts afterwards.

Thanks for giving me the gift of your quality time, readers. :)